What a Beta Fish Taught Me About Stress
Last weekend I had the privilege of leading my yearly retreat at Miraval in the Berkshires. By a turn of events, I released my brand-new Stress Rx content for the very first time.
It was an incredible three days of diving into our triggers, how we respond to them, and the tools that can help us be more emotionally regulated. The work is far from done — cracking the stress code has just begun.
My team is buckled up and hard at work analyzing data, making new hypotheses, and drawing conclusions. But in the meantime, I want to share a story about how my dominant stress subtypes showed up when I got home from the retreat…
A Fishy Stress Lesson
On Monday morning, I got to take my daughter to school. When I came back home, I noticed her beloved beta fish at the bottom of the tank. I thought he had passed.
Wanting her to have closure, I decided to leave him in the tank so she could say her goodbyes. She handled the news beautifully — until later that day when she told me, “Mom, he’s still alive!”
The next morning, he was still at the bottom. My plan was to give him a proper funeral and create a little memorial spot for her. But when I went to remove him, he suddenly started swimming all over the tank.
My ICU instincts kicked in. I made a quarantine ICU tank, medicated it, and moved him over. Within 8 hours, he was swimming and eating again.
What This Taught Me
This moment revealed two of my stress subtypes in action:
Validation Distress: I wanted my daughter to know she had done everything right, but really, I was projecting my own need for validation.
Impulsivity Distress: I wanted to bury the fish right away simply because I felt so uncomfortable having what I thought was a deceased pet in the tank.
These subtypes gave me such insight into how stress shows up, even in micro-stressors like this.
The lesson? Every day presents both big and small stressors. We need to honor them all, understand what triggers us, and become aware of how we respond.
And yes — I’m celebrating my ICU win.
What’s Coming Up
Transform® 10 – Early bird registration open until October 1st
Miraval 2026 Retreat – Deposits now being accepted
Sending you so much love,
Ali